I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
