I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
