Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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