Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
