lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
