Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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