would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
