from now on my penis is your penis
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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