my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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