Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize