Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
