Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
