So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
