you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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