I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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