I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
