we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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