i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
