what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
