Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
