Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
