So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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