either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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