love makes seman taste better
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
