Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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