Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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