After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
