I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
