I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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