i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
