her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
