I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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