Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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