It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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