Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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