The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
