so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
