just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
