Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
