would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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