I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
