You really coming over, don't trick.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
