I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
