she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
