I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize