I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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