I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
