i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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