I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
