You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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