people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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