Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
