Too much gin, very little bucket
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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