Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
