Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
