so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
