My Higher Power is John Stamos
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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