if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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