I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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