Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
