so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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