foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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