Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
