I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
