'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
