no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
