I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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