i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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