Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
