U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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