btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We smell like vodka and hangover
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