90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
