i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
