why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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