Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
