Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
