Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
