I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize