There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
