The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize