I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
