Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
