at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
