Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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