were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
